Depression comes to me like a swash and backwash cycle. It doesn't seem to end. And the entire beach is slowly eroding away. For a while it seems better, then it gets worse again.

Sometimes i just wonder who am i. I have changed so much over these years. And after everything i still lose myself over and over again. And then again i didn't know myself from the start.

Falling and falling again to different problems, with nothing to hold on to. Guitar simply keeps you happy for a while and shreds the skin off your fingers. Music bring you up, or throw you down completely. Games sometimes make you feel worse.

Maybe its just the world.

AND DON'T YOU EVER EVER TELL ME THAT ITS MY FAULT FOR NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEMS. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. DON'T ASSUME. IF YOU THINK THAT IS MY OWN FLAW, GET LOST. NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE YOU.

I am just not good enough at everything. EVERYTHING. I am a failure. Just kill me off.

Sorry.

My spiritual life feels a little dry, but i thank God for drawing me closer to him through the circumstances i am going through. For now, i can only hold on to his unfailing promises. Hope that i will be fine =D


So you wrote it down
I'm supposed to care
Even though it's never there
Sorry if I'm not prepared
Is it hard to see the things you substitute
For me and all my thoughts of you
It's eating me alive to leave you

Maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong
But so is your blank stare in lieu of this song
Maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong

Don't wanna be, don't wanna be wrong
You're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this song

I'm breathing in your skin tonight
Quiet is my loudest cry
Wouldn't wanna wake the eyes, that make me melt inside
And if it's healthier to leave you be,
May a sickness come and set me free
Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me...

I’m finding my own words, my own little stage
My own epic drama, my own scripted page
I'll send you the rough draft, I'll seal it with tears
Maybe you'll read it and I'll reappear
From the start it was shaky and the characters rash,
A nice setting for heart ache where emotions come last
All I have deep inside, to overcome this desire
Are friendly intentions and fair-weather smiles

And I don’t wanna be, don’t wanna be wrong
You're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this song
Don't wanna be, don’t wanna be wrong
You're leaving me, you're leaving me in lieu of this.. In lieu of this song.

Like saturday night i'll be gone
Like saturday night i'll be gone before you knew that i was there